Introduction:
I guess we’re back in the 90’s, because the all-new Samsung Galaxy Note has a stylus attached to it. Oh, excuse me. It’s called an “S Pen.”
Shut your mouth, Samsung. You can call it anything you want. It’s still a stylus.
Anyway, here’s the newest invention in the electronic world, and I’m not going to lie, it’s pretty fucking silly. It’s cool, but it is silly.
Sure, a 5.3-inch Super AMOLED screen with a resolution of 1280×800 sounds sweet, but you try taking one phone call in public and you’ll get laughed out of the stratosphere in two seconds. Seriously, this thing looks ridiculous when you’re talking on it.
And forget about using one hand with this thing, because unless you’re a mutant, you’ll need a team of surgeons to help prop this thing
up in your hands. It’s huge.
It’s running a 1.5GHz dual-core processor, has 1GB of RAM, has a 2500 mAh battery and is running Android 2.3.6 for some reason. Gingerbread in a new device? You serious? How old is that shit by now? A year? Why isn’t Android 4.0 in there from right out of the box?
Stupid.
It comes with 16GB of storage and is expandable by 32GB via microSD card. It has an 8 MP rear-facing camera and 2 MP front-facing camera and also takes 1080p video.
Boring.
How about the stupid stylus on the thing! What about that! Well, here we go. I’m just about to tell you how sweet this thing is.
It isn’t.
The S Pen is jammed up the Galaxy Note’s ass, which isn’t a bad thing because you can just leave it up there and forget about it because it’s useless.
Why is it useless? Because you get a few apps that make use of it, and the only thing cool about them is being able to draw pictures. Who the fuck wants to write notes on their smartphone/tablet thing when you can just type a note using the keyboard? And who enjoys drawing that much that they can’t wait until they get home?
It’s just there to give you the opportunity to waste time when you’re bored. That’s pretty much the point of it.
Other than the ridiculous S Pen stylus thing, this smartphone/tablet thing is actually kind of nice. It’s fast, responsive, powerful, and will eventually be upgraded to Android 4.0 in the future.
But should you pay $299 for it and be stuck in a two-year contract? Fuck no. Imagine being handcuffed to this behemoth for two years? Gives me the shakes. I guess if you’re 80 and can’t see shit, it’s worth the money. But if you’re like normal people and really don’t want to buy a wheel barrow to tow your new phone along behind you because it’s comically large, get something else.
You know what’s coming out? The Samsung Galaxy SIII and the iPhone 5. I’d wait around if I were you.
Pass.
Conclusion:
Pass on this one. While the Galaxy Note is really fast and smooth and takes nice pictures and videos, the size and silly S Pen make it not worth the price. Really, it’s way too big. You don’t need a tablet in your pocket.
Score Breakdown:
Quality - 9/10
Top-notch presentation and great materials used. This thing feels like a solid device, and it is.
Design - 8/10
Gorgeous! If it wasn’t for the stupid asshole size of the thing, it would have gotten a 9 here. But you can’t call a prostitute the perfect woman, right? Wait, what?
Practicality - 5/10
Try using this monster with one hand in a normal fashion. Go on, try it. I bet you can’t. And combine that with its stupid stylus thing and you have a device that could have been in an episode of Boy Meets World. Nice try, guys, but the stylus is dead. Let it die.
Overall - 7/10
It’s definitely a quality device. The Galaxy Note has all of the high points that make for a premium device. We all knew someone was going to push the boundaries between tablet and smartphone and Samsung finally did it. It just doesn’t work out. And take your stylus and fuck yourselves. Did I mention how stupid the stylus is? Oh, several times, you say?