Michele Bachmann Drops Out of Presidential Race

 

Phew! Thank goodness!

Can you imagine if this lunatic made it into office? She said previously that she doesn’t think carbon dioxide is a harmful gas, and she also said that if there wasn’t a minimum wage, more jobs would be created. How does someone this stupid even get this close to getting into the White House? It boggles the mind.

After she discovered that she was sixth place in votes at the Iowa Caucus (which is dead last), she realized that the jig was up. Even this small feat for humanity is enough to bring me closer to liking people again.

And while I love how this imbecile is out of the running, we still have plenty of other retards to get rid of as well.

Let’s talk about the winner, Mitt Romney. Actually, let’s talk about his name first before we get started. Mitt? Like a baseball mitt? Was glove already taken and wasn’t original enough? I guess those Mormon families like to think of silly names to go along with their magic underwear.

Anyway, back to this guy.

This Mormon gentleman came in first place in votes. Mr. Magic Underwear came in first. Let me just say that Romney’s beliefs are just as stupid as Bachmann’s beliefs. The only difference is that he keeps his big mouth shut.

How can a person that believes Christianity originated in the United States, Joseph Smith was a genuine guy that didn’t make shit up and trick everyone, and thinks their temple garments are anything but pajamas, lead the United States? Definitely a scary thought.

“Mr. President, Iran is being a dick. What should we do?”

“Well, my underwear is telling me that Iran should be nuked to oblivion. And my god said so.”

Sure, the system doesn’t work that way, but you get what I mean! And how is he going to pick a First Lady when those people are allowed to have a million wives? Can’t fit that many people in the White House bedroom. At least I don’t think so.

Vote for Ron Paul, please. He’s the only one that is the most logical out of the rest of them.

Since every presidential election is about picking the person that is the lesser asshole, I’m going with Mr. Paul on this one.