Robbing a bank can be a very profitable event if you play your cards right. Not only can you come out of the place holding big bags of money, you can add it to your criminal resume. What’s more important in this world than money and bragging rights?
We already know you’ve been planning this for a long time, so here’s how you can get in and out of there without being shot and killed by police in a seven-hour ordeal where you’ll take prisoners and have a shootout.
- Prepare for the InvasionAct like you’re preparing to invade Poland like Hitler did a few years back. That guy knew his stuff, so take notes. Feel free to leave out the mass extermination part.Alright, anyway. What you’ll need is a ski mask, sweet gun, bullets, zipline to escape, helicopter, pen to right demands and then a rope to walk across buildings like in the Ninja Turtle games on Nintendo.
- Once You’re Inside, Steal MoneyYou know how many times people forget about this part? They’ll often run out of the bank so excited that they got to rob a bank that they’ll forget to actually rob the bank. Novice mistake.Walk up to the teller and demand that she or he give you all the real money in the drawer. And once you do that, go to the vault and blow it up like Bruce Willis’ German enemy from Die Hard one. He didn’t actually do that, but it sounds like a Bruce Willis movie thing.
- LeaveDon’t stand around and text or browse Facebook, you need to get the fuck out of there before the police come and shoot you. You only have a few minutes before your plan turns to shit, so grab your non-inked cash and sprint out of there.Hop on your helicopter and head for the Mexican border.
- Head to MexicoThis part is tricky, but you’ll want to avoid any air traffic laws and risk death to make it there. Of course, you’ll need to fight off Mexican cartel druglords, but at least you won’t get captured by stupid police.
Congratulations! You made it! Take your thousands of dollars and do whatever it is you want to do. You’re a free man! I bet you’re wondering why I told you to bring all of that other stuff, right?
You’ll need them to barter with once you wake up in a hostel naked with all of your possessions missing. I’m smart. Trust me.