This cold is getting out of control.
We are on the brink of extinction here.
The bears and Foxes are THIS close to invading the human stronghold of Hoboken, New Jersey.
If we don’t do something about this cold, we’ll never make it.
It all started about a week ago, when we saw temperatures dip down into fifties with wind chill, which is nearly uninhabitable. This lead to people staying indoors almost all day and night, not going out for necessities, and ultimately becoming indigenous tribes separated only by thin layers of brick and mortar.
Here’s when the animals, more specifically the bears and foxes, began to stage their uprising.
One by one, they took their positions. Two by two, they prepared for the assault.
It’s just too cold to go out and try and quell the attacks. How are you going to keep your coffee hot? How are you going to walk around with your soup without it spilling? It’s just impossible.
How long before the government finally steps in and puts an end to this cold. Those scientists surely have season changers by now, so why not use them?
Before you know it, it won’t only bears and foxes on the prowl. We’ll eventually see the pigs and squirrels taking up arms and erecting alliances.
And it’ll be just way too cold to do anything about it. Since animals are less susceptible to being overtaken by TV, citizens are bound to fall.
Think about this one: pig kings and bear princes, ruling different provinces in the United States. Not only that, each of them will have a royal army just waiting to move to the west to regain the rest of their territory.
Imagine being ruled by a pig king? It could happen if the government doesn’t step in to kill this cold.
While you’re sucking down some broth and hot chocolate, remember to write a short sentence to the government asking them for support in this time of need.
For example:
Dear sir/madam,
I would really love it if you could come down here and help us out with this cold problem. I really don’t want to be ruled by a pig. I would appreciate it.
By the way, how about some new channels as well? I’m bored of basic cable. Thanks.